Examing Life’s Lessons

How do you raise your child or children? Is it something you actively do? Do you do it out of obligation, i.e. something you do because it was simply a result of sex?

How do you view children? Are they seen by you as an annoyance? Are your children a burden? Do you feel they are out to wear you down and suck the life out of you? I don’t ask these questions to trick you or to make you feel guilty. I know how you are supposed to view children. You know, as a blessing, as the ultimate fulfillment in life.

Children are no more the answer to happiness and fulfillment than anything else you will encounter. Yes, children can be a blessing and bring great satisfaction. Children can also be the greatest trial you have ever encountered.

Raising a child is not rocket science, yet it is not a trivial matter either. I personally believe that bringing another human being into this world is mostly made up of endurance, perseverance, patience and listening skills wrapped in forgiveness, mercy and grace.

When the child first comes into your life things are actually very simple. Feed one end. Clean the other. If you are lucky, the child sleeps through the night soon. If not, you find out how hellish life is when you don’t get a good night’s sleep for a year (I got to experience the latter.).

You need to keep in mind that their first experience on how to interact with a man and with a woman is shaped by the parents or lack thereof. Daughters will be shaped by the love or lack of love of their father. Sons will be shaped by the love or lack of love of their mother. The son’s level of respect for women will be influenced by the respect they see their dad show their mother and the level of respect he requires them to show her.

Dads, you will provide the foundation to the kind of guy your daughter looks to date. You will influence the degree of desire she has to have a man in her life. The more love you show her the less likely she will settle for any boy. The less love you show her the more likely she will look for any kind of attention.

I am acutely aware that these are general statements. No one person is the same as another. No one situation is the same. You don’t interact exactly the same with a 0-2 year old as you would a 13-16 year old. Yet, that 2 year old is looking for independence just like that 16 year old is looking for it. The only difference is the 2 year old can be restrained and can’t drive.

This leads me to say something that I cannot stress strongly enough. Do not take anyone’s advice blindly. I don’t care how many degrees they may have, I don’t care how many books they have sold, I don’t care how many people they have legitimately helped. Do NOT follow their advice blindly.

How to know you are raising your children to be healthy and well adjusted?

1. They do what they are told … the first time they are told.
2. They offer to help you with household chores
3. They like to sit in the same room with you and talk with you
4. They volunteer information about their activities that they think you would not like

When your kids do those things above, you know you are on the right track. It takes patience, forgiveness, grace and mercy to build the trust for some of these things to happen, but it can happen.

Love is shown in action. If it is not, then don’t bother saying it.

I leave you with this. Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Dads, never forget this for if you do, the teenage years will be unkind to you. If you learn this and come to understand this, the teenage years will be constructive and so much smoother.